Gift Horse -The Web's First Futile E-Mall
Now in our second year
the madness is addictive
Below, for your appreciation, are a range of the most pointless, useless e-gifts imaginable.
Unbelievably they are all for sale and you genuinely can purchase them from this site - ( I fixed the Buy It Now Buttons - WOW !!!!! )
If there is nothing that takes your fancy at the moment then please check back soon as we will
be constantly adding to our great range.
All e-Gift recipients will receive an e-Gift Certificate emailed to them to prove that you actually did
bother to think about them, even though you couldn't be bothered to get off your backside and actually buy them something
Update as of Xmas 2004 - Wowwwww, people actually buy stuff off here so my thanks go out to
Sarah B of Norwich ( proud owner of Uranus ) and Ian O of Inverclyde ( proud owner of the silent cd )
As these people obviously appreciate utter rubbish I actually sent them what they paid for.
So Yah Boo Sucks to those of you that thought this all wasn't real
So Merry Xmas to all of you , Smile and Be Happy.
Before you start though here's a few interesting snippets
Quote of the week - I hope the swelling soon goes down
Top Gossip Rumours - Kylie Minogue to marry unknown webmaster
So when did a little wishful thinking harm anybody huh ?
Favourite Other Stupid Sites This Week - blinkerfluid.com StumbleUpon.com
AVAILABLE NOW Gift Horse's Agony Aunt 'Richard Cranium' is available here to offer his special brand of advice for all your little niggles
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WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE Well pretty obviously I don't otherwise I'd get on with the proper side of the business doing websites rather than wasting my time on this, but we are giving you the opportunity to purchase these absolutely genuine fake $1,000,000 bills for the measly sum of £2.50. These were carefully crafted by my mate Dodger Harris before he went away for a nice long holiday on the Costa Del Sol with his mate Ronny. Can't think why he left in such a rush and left all those £20 notes behind - its just one of those little mysteries. But at least you can benefit from his hasty departure and instantly become a millionaire for such a small investment. Go on Buy One, you know it makes perfect sense until you sober up. If you try and spend these then you are a fool, however since your looking at this website - Well Humph Errr. |
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WOULD YOU BUY A USED INVESTMENT FROM THIS MAN ??? Click on the piccy on the left to have a look at this likely chap in greater detail. Doesn't he look just the sort of trustworthy individual you'd chuck your money at ? And wasn't it nice of him to email me with such a generous offer. Can you imagine, for one second, that he's the ideal main agent for Gift Horse in Nigeria,, he's obviously carefully researched the site, seen what high quality goods we supply and thinks we have an expanding market. Actually I think I'm going to promote him to Customer Of The Month as he's obviously bought the item thats for sale just below this one Ha Ha Ha Ha !!!! Go on ring him up, the numbers there, and tell him next time to get a picture that actually fits the box. |
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I AM THE ONLY SURVIVING SON OF FORMER ???????????? That's right, nows the opportunity to obtain your very own set of deceased Nigerian parents who, as luck would have it just happened to stash away Gazillions of Dollars in unclaimed mining rights, now held in an offshore bank, from their former job of as toilet attendant to the late, deposed, Head Minister of Bogs. These fictituous parents will bring you millions of dollars in revenue, provided you can find some sad old sacks to give you their bank account details in return for a 30% share of the loot. THESE DECEASED PARENTS ARE ON SPECIAL OFFER FOR THE WHOLE OF 2004 Coming Soon - buy your own online Spanish Lottery - very easy home assembly |
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REAL FRESH AIR FROM THE HEART OF THE UK ONLY £2.50 A genuine bucket of fresh air, freshly collected from my back garden each morning to order. Upon paying for this item we will undertake to collect a genuine, untamed and 'fresh from the wild' fresh air sample in our clinically clean buckets. Delivery will be via the next available cross wind heading in your direction. Delivery cannot, however, be guaranteed due to unforeseen circumstances such as some careless person breathing it in for example Please note fresh air may become contaminated during its journey to you |
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BUYING ACRES OF THE MOON IS JUST SO YESTERDAY Get that Special Someone their very own blade of grass maintained in a free range environment. The perfect eco friendly gift for just £2.50. A sample of this wonderfully thoughtless present is indicated by the arrow. Free access to your blade of grass is provided at all times, however please take appropriate precautions, such as learning to levitate, to avoid trampling the surrounding blades owned by others. Please note the gift does not include the nice red pointy arrow thingy, you will have to provide your own. The blade indicated may not be the exact blade received by the recipient but the recipient will receive one that will receive a good reception if you see what I mean. |
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BUYING BLADES OF GRASS IS JUST SO SO YESTERDAY My aren't trends fickle. The latest craze sweeping the moon ( no I don't mean sweeping the moon is a craze - read on ) is to purchase, at unbelievably low cost, acres of a planet that we'll never ever reach. A whole acre , situated on an outer ring of Uranus, is yours for the paltry sum of £2.50. We have absolutely no right to sell this but, hey, who in their right mind is going to try to push a court case through with the Claimant as Uranus - what a bum decision that would be. Go on buy an acre at the most presitigious address in the Galaxy - you know it makes nonsense Gift Horse accept no liability for any personal injury arising from trying to reach Uranus |
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EVERYONE KNOWS SOMEONE WHO'S A RIGHT UGLY B*****D Well now you can present them with the official documentation to prove it. Upon purchase, at a very reasonable £2.50 you will be emailed a link to download this wonderfully worded Ugly Licence in pdf format. You then fill in their name, print it out, and hand it to them, being very careful to duck. Use again and again as often as you like Please note we do not issue e-Gift Certificates for this gift |
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NOT INTO RAP METAL ? THEN HERE'S THE PERFECT PRESSIE Now available from this site as a download comes the latest release of 'Now that's what I call Silence' Featuring such great recording locations as the top of Ben Nevis, Windy Hills Farm ( Bagworth ) & Norwich. We are proud to include Bert Engelfinkle's much acclaimed 'Stocking Clad Feet On Carpet Movement 3' which comes rolling out of your speakers with all the ferocity of an enraged mouse on Prozac. It's one not to be missed and a bargain at ( yes you've guessed it ) £2.50. Click here for a preview ( prehear surely ) Do not play too loud otherwise the silence could be deafening |
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SAVE YOURSELF HOURS OF BACK BREAKING DIGGING Yes, back by popular demand are our easy to use ready assembled holes. These have been selling like hot cakes all over the world. In fact we recently sold one to an Iraqi !!!! These holes come in a regular 1 cubic metre size, however can be adjusted to fit. To make hole smaller simply fill it in a bit. If you require a larger hole then please purchase several of the regular size and join then together - they are completely compatible with earlier version of the hole. Great for fence posts, fish ponds and hiding people in. Great value at only £2.50. Serving Suggestion - Why not purchase hundreds of holes and create your own canyon. WARNING - holes must only be assembled side by side. If you attempt to install one hole inside another it will probably simply disappear leaving you with a hole of exactly the same size that you started with which would be a waste of your time, money and our carefully crafted holes - Thank You for your attention. |
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A FULL YEARS MEMBERSHIP TO GET YOUR TEETH INTO Gain an annual subscription to the Vegan Vampires Association for only £2.50. Show your support for those of them trying their best to adjust to life in the modern world. These reformed vampires, having gone through the indignity of having to stand in front of their peers and announce 'Hi I'm Nigel and I'm a Vegan Vampire', are committed to integration in todays society. Your money goes towards such worthy projects as research for a truly satisfying quiche recipe, therapy courses such as 'Learning to love Tofu', reforestation schemes like 'my bark is worse than my bite'. So go on, give the gift that won't come back to bite you. Join Today. Please note that no necking is allowed as the Association meetings - it puts them back years |
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YOUR VERY OWN GIFT HORSE DESIGNER T-SHIRT £10 Do you decry those stupid people who will pay £40, or £50 or even £60 for a Designer T-shirt advertising someone else's product You've all seen them strutting down the street like some walking billboard advert with product names splashed all over their clothing. Well now's the opportunity to prove that your own stupidity has some sense behind it. Buy my Gift Horse Designer T-shirts at only £10 each and wear it with extreme pride. After all its Designer ( Coz I designed it ) Its a public statement of financial acumen, its over 83% cheaper than other Designer shirts and you'll get that nice warm feeling knowing that you're keeping the wolves from my door. GET TWO TODAY. one size fits all, unless your sharing. You will honestly get a T-shirt if you buy this I promise |